This is something I shared with some of my close friends yesterday, but I want to put it out there to the universe.
I have never really surprised myself.
For all intents and purposes, my life has gone pretty much the way I knew (and often feared) it would. In a lot of ways, I've made some pretty stereotypical mistakes that I was always warned against making. Despite all the warnings, I was never able to stop myself from learning those lessons the hard way. At the same time, I've accomplished the things I was always fairly certain I would accomplish. I'm still good at the same things I've always been good at. I still have versions of the same things I have always had.
I have challenged myself--yes. But I have never surprised myself.
It was a challenge to buy my own place, and while I did it with entirely my own money, I would never have been able to do it without the guidance, support, and direction of my family. I am one thesis away from my masters degree, and while I know completing it is going to be a challenge, and I will be proud of myself when it's done, I won't be surprised. I won't think to myself, I never thought I could do this. I've always been good at school; it makes sense that I chose to further my education in this way.
So my New Year's Resolution is not just to challenge myself, but to surprise myself.
My whole life, I have wanted to play the piano. We've always had a piano, but I was always afraid to try and practice at home, because let's face it, a beginner practicing the piano is not pleasant listening. I've taken a couple classes in college. I'm a singer, so I know music basics. I know what the notes on the page mean, but I'm not, as they say, "fluent" in reading music. I know chords, but I don't have the muscle memory yet to play seamlessly without making tons of mistakes. And I don't have the coordination yet to get my right hand to do one thing while my left hand does another.
This Christmas, my parents gave me my very own keyboard, complete with headphone jack so that I can practice without disturbing my roommate. By the end of the year, I will know how to play well enough to, at the very least, accompany myself live on at least three songs. I will prove it by playing at an open mic night before the year is out.
This is not something that is being graded. This is not something that has to be done. This is not something I am even sure I will be able to do. But it is something I want to do for me. A little dream of mine that I want to make come true. A surprise for myself.
