Reason

Does everything really happen for a reason?

Sure, but sometimes that reason is just that people suck.

Some people are fond of certain cliches, old sayings that they can pull out of their back pockets whenever things seem particularly shitty.  "God has a plan."  "Things always work out for the best."  "Everything will be okay in the end.  If it's not okay, it's not the end."  "Everything happens for a reason."

No.  I don't really agree with all of that, not the way that some people do.  Because how can anyone really be accountable for anything if everything that has ever happened was meant to happen in exactly one way? 

I think life gives you opportunities.  I think some forks in the road take you to completely opposite outcomes and some circle back around and meet at the same place no matter what you do. I think some things happen as a result of the altruistic actions of genuine, kind-hearted people.  Other things happen because people are selfish and cruel.  And still other things just...happen.  And instead of comforting ourselves with empty cliches, why can't we just sit back a moment and take inventory.  What did I lose?  What did I gain?  What can I do now?  How can I work with what I've got?

And, of course, the most important of all:  What did I learn?

My dad always says that one of the most frustrating things that he sees people do is insist on learning hard lessons for themselves.  "Why do you need to burn yourself to know that the stove is hot?" he says. "The burns of other people aren't enough evidence for you? Don't touch the stove. It's simple."

But it's not simple, is it?

What is that inner voice in us that challenges us, that double-dog dares us, to pass a hand through the flame? That deludes us into thinking our skin is thicker than everyone else's and we will be the first not to get burned?

I'll tell you who that inner voice is. It's Gary Marshall. And Nancy Meyers. And Nora Ephron.  And all the fine folks at 20th Century Fox, Paramount, and every place else. It's the writers for all the shows on the WB (and yes, I mean the WB, because that's what it was back then) and the sitcoms that aired on ABC's TGIF Friday night line-up.

Movies and television are part of the problem.  In that world, in the world of storytelling, everything DOES happen for a reason.  You don't show someone sneezing unless they are about to get sick.  Screenwriting should be an integral part of the school curriculum. Children need to know early on how little screenwriting has to do with what happens in real life.  In real life, sometimes a sneeze is just a sneeze. 

And that is not to say that I discourage the dreamers and the believers and those that aim to accomplish the impossible, because take them out of the picture, and you have just erased the things I love most in this world. It is only to say that as you grow up, you realize that just because something always has been doesn't mean it always will be.  That some people who pop back up in your life by chance didn't do so as part of some grand plan.  That life, this crazy, wonderful, horrible, amazing thing we call life, is sometimes just fucking RANDOM. 

Everything happens for a reason, yes, but that is not the same thing as saying that everything that happens is SUPPOSED to happen.  We have all been victims of injustice.  We have all been blessed.  We mourn the tragedies, we celebrate the triumphs, and we never stop fighting for the number of wins to be greater than the number of losses.  Because, yes, everything will eventually be okay.  But then it won't be okay.  And then it will be okay again.  And on and on it will go.  And we will continue to make the best of it.